Peace In The Promise

To try and contain my reflections surrounding what God is currently doing in my life into a concise blog-post has been more of a challenge than you know. Nonetheless, the following is my attempt to summarise my reflections pertaining to this glorious season (so far) – enjoy!

I’ve seen (and often stumbled through) seasons of zealous faith, wilderness, hardship, rest, testing, overflow and more throughout my faith walk, and, though there is still extensively much more for me to learn and endure, I have come to understand that each season of my life holds a significant purpose (my YouTube video “Downloading Destiny” touches on this), and that the lessons learnt in previous seasons are often carried over as foundational principles for the next. Much like how, at school, in order to have an enriched understanding of the principles taught in year 4, you must first endure years 1, 2 & 3. I reflected on this some time ago, and likened my walk with God to an “Infinite Manual” as, each time I appeared to “master” a concept, I would soon learn in the next season that this same concept requires another level of understanding. I felt like a child who had just learnt to count to 10, only to discover all of the endless possibilities that awaited them in the diverse world of mathematics (addition, multiplication, fractions, trigonometry, complex calculations etc.)

So that leads me to a realization I had some time ago:

“I feel as though I’ve been thrust into yet another season of my life, as though I have been taken out into deeper waters, and I am re-learning how to float.” Personal Reflection, 2020

Floating in general can be scary. Floating in deep waters? Now that is just crazy! I mean, there are sharks, giant squid, flying fish, sting rays, whales, and more! I am not trying to get closely acquainted with them – thank you!

Floating in the deep requires a vulnerability and surrender that I am not quite sure I am capable of. Embracing the unknown has never been an easy thing for me, but I would like to hope that I have improved! Nonetheless, I believe I have been drawn further into the deep partially for that very reason, God is showing me that I can indeed trust Him in all conditions and depths.

Trust…an attribute that pairs nicely with surrender.

Surrender is so valuable in this walk. Scratch that – it is vital in this walk. I cannot imagine it being easy to delight in filling up a stubborn, strong-willed, disobedient vessel that leaves no room for you. I used to believe that I easily surrendered to God and his will for my life, without question. But I am finding that, in this season, God is reaching to the depths of me to pull out what I was not aware of, including my many sceptical questions that lay dormant in my heart surrounding his perfect will and total surrender. He is addressing these no longer dormant questions much like a parent would address their child that had many questions – by giving me age appropriate answers for some questions and allowing me to meditate on what I do not yet know. I used to believe that my many questions, uncertainties and weaknesses would disqualify me from the faith, that is until I read 2 Corinthians 12:9 (also see 2 Corinthians 11:30) with fresh eyes and indeed saw that I, like Paul, ought to boast in my weaknesses, as it is in my very weaknesses that Christs power is perfected!

My weaknesses do not allow me to be full of myself. They force me to surrender to the great I AM, as I cannot endure it myself. My fear of failing to remain afloat forces me to surrender to the very God that drew me out there. It causes that initial mustard seed of faith that had developed into a shrub, to expand itself into an even mightier tree.

I am finding that concepts that I believed I had once “mastered” have infinite volumes that I had not noticed before.

What do you mean there is a volume iii to my insecurity issues, Lord!?  I thought We dealt with that in the last chapter of Volume ii!?

Alas, the deeper waters expose my fears at a level that I had never needed to consider in the shallows. In the shallows, I was comfortable just skimming the surface.

In saying this, we cannot overlook the shallows – the place where we first learned to float. In the same way that we cannot overlook the importance of primary education, the foundational units at university (as much as we may have hated them), or the foundational principles of learning an instrument. Developing a solid foundation allows us to have a solid base that allows us to explore concepts further and deeper in future (if you are in the foundational phase of learning – which most, if not all, of us are in one thing or another – I encourage you to not give up!)

For example, when I was younger, my father insisted that we learn “touch typing” (typing without having to look at the keyboard) – he purchased a program that did just that, and made us spend a portion of our day learning it. Alas, it was boring to me, and I didn’t carry it through. My lack of commitment to the foundational principles of touch typing are evident today by my inability to type flawlessly without looking at the keyboard!

The deeper waters have unearthed fears within me that I never knew existed, and fears that I believed that I had overcome. I find myself most weeks being able to identify another ‘deep sea creature’ that I never had to worry too much about in the shallows (insecurity, anxiety, lack of trust, lack of self-control, unforgiveness, bitterness etc.)

Throughout it all, Jesus is right there.

I am reminded of the scripture (Matthew 14:26-33) in which Jesus is walking on the water, and he invites Peter to step out of the boat and join him. Peter, initially full of faith, steps out of the boat (all power to you, Pete! I’m sure I would have identified 10000 living, breathing, sharp toothed reasons as to why I would have kept my scaredy-cat behind right there on that boat…ya feel me?), but upon taking his eyes off the Lord, and focussing his attention on the very real and very frightening winds surrounding him, he began to sink (Jesus immediately caught him before he was overtaken by the water).

I am inspired by this scripture, and by principles learnt in previous seasons, to not take my eyes of Christ. In other words, to abide in Him. He is my floaties (those who have undertaken school swimming lessons will understand). He is my swimming instructor. He is my lifeline. He is how I remain afloat, even if my surroundings have changed by way of becoming even more challenging!

I am reminded of a time not so long ago in which I wrestled with a challenging situation. Feelings of frustration consumed me, and around this time I remember watching my daughter as she was on her tummy, working to push herself up (hello “tummy time”). I watched her as she squirmed and pushed and balanced herself upright for a moment, then rest back down on her stomach due to fatigue, only to conjure up some more strength and heave herself up again (strong girl she is!). After some time, she grew frustrated. It was almost as if she was saying to herself “Why can’t I just hold myself up!?” I went to pick her as her frustration began to intensify, and I had the following understanding:

It is normal to have feelings of frustration when you are in the process of getting stronger.

You see, each time my daughter heaved her body up, kicked her legs to try and maintain balance, rested her head back down and heaved it up again, she was training her muscles to operate in a new way, that would ultimately strengthen her to be able to accomplish even greater milestones and tasks (rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, running and jumping etc.) in the future.

Though this process was undeniably frustrating for my daughter, I knew (as I had experienced such with my older son) that this momentary frustration was necessary for her to develop long term endurance and strength. I did not leave her abandoned or stranded. I was right there with her, watching over her, ready to intervene. I saw in my own situation that this season was going to challenge me to dig deeper than I ever had before. It occurred to me that, just as my daughter faced frustrations, I too may encounter frustrations and disappointments as I learn to float in new conditions. It is all about teaching me to surrender. It is my humanity exposed so that the glory and power of God can be revealed, even if it is through my weaknesses.

Floating in the shallows had become easy, the time has now come to exercise the same principles learnt in the shallows, in the deep.

The deep comes with its own set of challenges. From the waves, to the sheer depths of the waters, to the unique creatures and obstacles that are not commonly found in the shallows. As true as all of this may be, it does not change the following truth:

The depth of the water does not change the principles of floating. In a similar sense, the intensity of my challenges does not change the principles of God.

The fact that I have been taken to deeper waters does not eliminate the presence of tests, nor does it guarantee that I will not fail at times, grow weary, want to give up, or never question it all, but the deeper waters stretch me to trust in Christ as my lifeline – as my buoy – and to be the one to keep me afloat.

It is comfortable to remain in the shallows. It is comfortable to remain where we are confident and secure. It is comfortable to remain where we have been successful. But what is uncomfortable, is stepping out (as Peter did) into the unknown. It is comfortable to do what you have always done, and live how you have always lived, but it requires a – sometimes uncomfortable – step of faith to “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I (God) will show you.” (Genesis 12:1 – The Call of Abram)

Though there are many uncertainties about what may be unearthed from the deep below, I cannot deny and ignore the fire burning inside of me, an in-extinguishable and undeniable joy and hope for the future. This confidence does not come from my ability, but it stems from the same God that drew me to the deeper waters, the same God that called Peter to take a step of faith out of the boat, the same God that called Abraham out of his father’s household to who knows where.

The same God.

The same God.

The same God.

He who remains the same, yesterday, today and forever more.

I trusted Him when I gave Him my life, and I trust him now. It is He who gave me purpose; therefore, it is He that will see me through.

I have absolutely nothing to lose.

Peace!

All Photography by Monica Cugnier Photography!