Peace In The Promise

It is crazy to think that in just a few short weeks our baby girl will be here, and that I will be a mother of 2 under 2 (send help! But text me first! 😂). With all sorts of emotions rising up within me (excitement, nerves, joy and more!) I thought, what better way to prepare myself and appreciate what’s to come than to reflect on my first birth experience, in which I gave birth to my son (who is now a few days shy of 20 months!) who first welcomed me into the stupendous journey of motherhood!

It was Wednesday morning (08.08.18) when I woke up with period like cramps at the base of my abdomen. I mentioned it to my husband as he readied himself to go to work, but they were infrequent and not enough to stop me from going about my day, so we agreed to keep in touch throughout the day and he left for work.

This is it. I thought, with nervous anticipation. I was finally in the last leg of the marathon of pregnancy. I get to see the fruit of my womb! How exciting! Aaah!

I pottered around the house and went about my day, and as the cramps became more intense, the feeling gradually transformed from being like moderate period cramps to being a form of intense (yet difficult to describe) pressure that built like a wave, and then slowly faded away. I evolved from simply pausing during a contraction to take a few breaths, to bouncing on a yoga ball, to then curling up in our bean bag as my contractions progressed. It wasn’t until I actually timed them in the afternoon that I realised that my contractions were lasting a couple of minutes and were steadily 10-15 minutes apart!

We had let the family know that the time appeared to be among us, but, for that day, I endured my contractions alone, and was able to appreciate and anticipate with wonder and excitement the journey that lay before me! I am thankful for that gift.Steve and I chatted throughout the day, and I believe some of my family called me too. I remember just pausing mid sentence at times and just breathing as my family members awkwardly waited on the line for my contraction to finish 😂

I remember talking to Steve that night as my contractions were closer together (10 minutes apart by now) and seemed to be lasting longer. I could no longer talk through them, and I recall telling him that we may have to call the hospital once he came home. He came home at around 8pm and at this point I was straddling our dining chair with my head resting on the back rest and my arms thrown over the top as that unbelievable pressure surged it’s way through my lower abdomen and towards my back. I would try to breathe slowly and calmly, but I could now feel that this wasn’t enough, I needed to grunt or make some sort of noise to help alleviate this pain.

Steve made the call to the hospital but they said to wait until the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart before coming in. So Steve sat down, put on Netflix (“Death in Paradise” was our show that season 😂 we were obsessed), and began to eat Shapes. I think it was a combination of the bright and noisy TV, the bright lights, and his SUPER loud crunching that just irritated my contraction having self to the point where I stood up and said “I’m going to have a shower.” And left for the bathroom 😂

I went to the shower and boy oh boy if anything helped me naturally it was that shower! It didn’t alleviate the pain per say, but it soothed me, relaxed me, and centered me. I let the water run over my body, and directed the stream to my back (which was now feeling the brunt of the contractions). When I felt a contraction build, I put my hands on my knees, leant forward and grunted/groaned loud and long! It felt like the natural thing to do at the time and it helped me, even if it helped by 1%! I believe it helped me to work with the contraction rather than to tense up and resist it, which would have been more painful.

It wasn’t until Steve came rushing in looking scared out of his brain that I realised that I had been in there for almost an hour (he had just finished an episode 🤣🤦🏾‍♀️) and that my contractions were 3 minutes apart! Steve called the hospital and they said to come in to the labor ward. It’s rare to see my husband so nervous!

So, at around 11pm we collected my hospital bag (I had finished packing it a week or so earlier) and arrived at the hospital in record time (as hubby likes to share, a 10 – 12 minute drive took him 5 minutes 😂).

It was raining that night and as I slowly waddled to the hospital entrance, I got about 1 or 2 contractions. I remember not thinking twice about the rain and just pausing in the road and breathing deeply, in no time my husband was behind me gently holding me and my belly, supporting me through the contraction.

We got checked into the labor ward and the moment of truth arrived. They checked how dialated I was (which was not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be…perhaps because I had the contractions to compare it to!) – but alas, I was only 3cm dialated! Only 3!??? I just about screeched internally. I was disappointed as I knew I would be sent home. We ended up staying for a couple more hours as they had to run a couple of tests, they offered me Morphine and Temazepam, but I settled for Panadeine Forte (I felt like Morphine and Temaz were a bit extreme at that point 😂 maybe its the nurse in me – but I also knew that Morphine could affect the baby by way of potentially making him drowsy, and I didn’t want that for us). We left the hospital after 3am (which was a relief, as, having contractions whilst strapped to a monitor on a hospital bed was not fun!), got Hungry Jacks and drove home.

Later that same (Thursday) morning, after having rested, my contractions had faded off and felt as faint as they had the previous Wednesday morning!

I felt a bit awkward and disappointed as we had told our family that we had gone to the hospital, so my mum had travelled up from down south that Thursday morning. We were all kind of sitting around and waiting for things to progress that day. Either way, it was great to have noise in the house other than myself and to have helping and supportive hands around! Hubby was so restless that he began cleaning the house 😂.

By evening time, my mother in law and sisters in law had come through! I was feeling the contractions pick up now, so I separated myself – as I am the kind of person that when I am in pain, lots of stimulation causes me to feel tense rather than relaxed (so interesting right!? As I know many people are often the opposite and prefer to have distractions whist in labor/pain!) – and went to lay down for a bit in a dark room.

I was called out for dinner and after eating food made by both mama’s, i excused myself to go to the shower – to relax and to get things moving along.Once again, the shower sped things along very promptly and my contractions were under 5 minutes apart (my mum was like “lets go!” 😂), but alas when i got out of the shower, they slowed right down again. My mum in law and sisters in law wished me luck and headed off, and we prepared to head to bed. My mum was like “are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?” As she was really not ready to deliver this baby at home 😂 I knew that if I was to go to the hospital now, I may not have been as far along as I thought, also, the hospital bed was not a comfortable place to have contractions. Hubby promised to wake mum up if anything happened.

We went to bed at around 10pm.

At 1am I woke to find myself groaning aloud! It felt like it wasn’t me, and it took me a second to realise what was happening, but oh boy I soon caught up! 🥴 The contractions had now completely evolved into an overwhelming sensation, concentrated solely in my lower back. I just knew from this that things had changed and that we needed to go. I remember just slapping Steve awake and groaning “Wwe nnneed tttoo gggoooo” and he shot up, ran to our spare room and woke mum up (who had barely slept herself) and we sped again to the hospital. This time, Steve dropped mum and I at the entrance as he found parking and I had to stop twice before reaching the elevator. I couldn’t have cared less who saw me, I had other things on my mind!

We got to the assessment room on the labor ward and…..I was 4 cm dialated!!! (I had prayed before we left home and said something along the lines of “God, if I am less than 4cm, I will scream!”). It was sweet music to my ears, I think I said “Oh thank God!!” As they announced it. I relaxed having now known that we were staying in hospital now and that things were progressing!One of the first things I did upon getting into my hospital room was to take a shower (I had tried sitting on a yoga ball that they had in the room but that thing was so deflated and my contraction having self was like “no ma’am!”). Steve sat in the empty bath and fell asleep whilst I showered 😂 eventually he and mum swapped and Steve went to rest in the room whilst my mum monitored me.

After I showered, things seemed to go from 0-100! I could no longer get comfortable just standing or leaning or walking, whatever I did was so uncomfortable. Eventually I got onto the bed and lay on my side and each contraction rippled through my body like a wave only for another to hit me again. Within no time, tears began to stream down my face as I could not control this pain – I remember hitting the bed rail to try and release some of the pain as my mum rubbed my back (at least I wasn’t slapping people…right? 😂).

At this point, Steve woke up and was SO confused, as I had appeared fine like a second ago 😂 He and mum swapped shifts and he started rubbing my back, but it just wasn’t the same as the hands of a mama that has endured labor, they were the hands of a loving mechanic husband that appeared to be trying to get knots out of my back rather than soothing my contraction pains 🥴 (but I appreciate you and your mechanic hands for being there babe! You are the best!) 😂

I could feel myself losing it internally, and I had told myself throughout my pregnancy that I wanted to see how far I could go without interventions, but if I found myself losing it, I would do what was best to ensure that my energy was not wasted in hysteria! So the midwife came in and I asked in the smallest, most polite way ever “um…excuse me? I was just wondering…um…if it were at all possible to umm…get an epidural now?” she said “Of course love! Let me get the anesthetist now.” I just about kicked my foot and asked myself why I hadn’t asked for one earlier!!!

At this point I was about 6cm dialated and had been in labor for almost 2 days in total (from Wednesday morning) as it was now Friday at like 4 or 5am.

I had to wait a while for the anesthetist to finish with another mama in need (it was the most excruciatingly long wait though!). And as we waited, the midwife suggested I try using the gas, as I was not in my finest form (I was still slapping bed rails at this point 😂 no screaming, but there were definitely tears! I’m talking grown woman sobs!). I refused as I knew it could give you the feeling of being ‘away with the fairies’ (and I already feel like that 100% of the time due to constant dissociation [I talk about this more in my blogpost, Hope for Healing], so it was a no from me!). But with some encouragement I surrendered and gave it a go. Within 3 ‘puffs’ I was gone. I just remember feeling like I was being sucked into another dimension (a feeling that I hate!) and, with a very heavy tongue, slurring/screeching out “Nnnooope, nnnooo, nnno mmmore” to my husband 🤣 Gas may work for some mama’s, but, alas, I am not one of them. With the gas, I still felt the full brunt of my contractions, and I no longer felt in control of managing them. Within a few regular breaths, I felt myself gradually return to normal. My mum returned to the room (having completely missed the gas saga) and upon my next contraction she gently asked “Why don’t you try the gas, Mirembe?” To which I thought I simply said “No” but it apparently came out in a sort of screech/yell “NOOOOO!” 🥴 to which my husband and mum looked at each other like 😳👀😬

Thanks be to sweet Jesus the beloved anesthetist arrived! I was in such a state with my contractions almost overlapping that I did not have a clue of what homeboy was saying and I was wondering when he was going to stop talking and when he was going to deliver the goods! I do remember that he was to the point, straight forward, and did not allow the fact that I was groaning, crying and slapping the bed rail stop him from bluntly explaining the procedure. Having a nursing background I did not take it personally, he was there to do his job in my eyes – and feeling sorry for me would only make it take longer 🤷🏾‍♀️

I got the epidural at around 5 or 6AM – it was a little intimidating, especially having to remain so still whilst hunched over a pillow when having contractions and feeling strange nerve sensations in your legs during the procedure – but I am so thankful I got it (it worked for me), and that I had my husband right there with me, literally supporting my hands and feet.

Within about 5 minutes I could already feel the intensity of the contractions wearing off. And within 20 minutes I was sitting on that bed with a beaming smile on my face, cheerily greeting the hospital staff 🤣 hallelujah somebody!

My only regret during this time is that I didn’t utilize this time to sleep! Mum and Steve passed out, but I was too excited and giddy that I could only rest my eyes for a few minutes at a time. I more or less missed my Friday morning sleep.

Often times, Epidurals can slow the progress of labor, and that is what happened to me! Over several hours, I remained 6-7cm dialated (one midwife had the nerve to come in and say in front of me “no she’s not 7cm actually, she’s 6cm” – like, don’t tell me that! It’s been 2 days, sis!! Just tell me I’m at 7cm! 🤣). They manually broke my waters (it ain’t always like the movies, yall!), and I was given a hormone drip to help speed things along, and, thankfully, things began to progress again.

By around 3pm I was 10cm! By this point, my mother in law had joined the crew, everyone had eaten except me (I wasn’t allowed to eat as I was in active labor) 😭, and an overwhelming pressure had formed in my..ahem…nether regions…as baby’s head was just about readayyy to make its debut. I still felt no pain, but the discomfort from the pressure was uuuunreal. It was pretty much the pressure you feel when you reeeally need to do number 2 desperately (if that number 2 was the size of a newborn)…but can you imagine I had to hold this whole baby in for a whole hour more (until 4pm) in order for his head to fully decend!? I am thankful for the laughs and jokes that we had in that time – as all the Mama’s in the room kneeew what was happening 😂 – as they helped take the seriousness and awkwardness out of the situation!

My midwife came in at around 4pm to take tea and coffee orders and I just couldn’t take the pressure anymore, I squeaked out “Can I please push now?” 🥵😩 And as soon as she saw my face, she knew 😂 so I began pushing at 4pm.

Can I be honest with you? When I began pushing, it felt like the equivalent of you trying to push a 3 tonne concrete wall over…with one hand. I actually thought to myself “Ummm, is this a joke?” 🤣 when I tell you it felt like nothing was happening, I mean it yo! I almost wanted to laugh as it seemed like such an impossible task. Nevertheless, the midwife and my cheerleaders were encouraging me (and lying to me 😂) about how well I was doing and telling me that they could see him etc. They were saying anything to keep me pushing! It was kind of funny as I had to keep feeling my belly to know when I was having a contraction, as the epidural (though fading) was still in effect.

After a few grueling minutes of grunting, pushing, puffed up cheeks, and held breath, I remember being so exhausted and the phrase “I can’t do this” etched out from my dry lips before I could stop it, as sheer exhaustion and fatigue consumed me. It was in this moment that I heard the foetal heart monitor slow down to an almost halt – I looked at my midwife’s face that was briefly flecked with panic as she swiftly pressed the “assist” button. It was in the moment between hearing my baby’s heart drop and seeing the midwife’s face that I decided that whether I thought this was impossible or not, I had to do it. This had to done. This baby had to get out NOW.

Steve said that in that moment I went from 0 to 100, and he didn’t know where I got the energy from, but one second I was defeated, and the next second I straightened up declaring “Nope! I’ve got this! I can do this! Come on! Let’s do this!!” (If you can’t encourage yourself, who will, right!?)

I was no nonsense now! By this point, I had become somewhat used to the pushing. I dug deep and pressed past the barrier that felt impossible only moments before! I felt the stings but I also felt progress, and before I knew it, he was out!!!

“OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!” was all I could exclaim. I was SO shocked that I actually did it. I knew it was God who gave me that final surge of strength. It was supernatural. I was so proud of myself, and so proud to be a woman in that moment. What a gift. This isn’t real. Oh, but it was. “Can I hold him?” I asked as they were weighing him, and as they brought him over and placed him in my arms, it was as if the Heavens opened!

I automatically began praying for him in that moment, speaking all kinds of blessings and declarations over his life as the Holy Spirit led me. It wasn’t planned by me, but it was planned by God. Soon, everyone was in tears, and even my midwife concluded with me that “This was God”.

It was amazing, I was on cloud 9.

There is so much more that I could share about the days after birth, but I may just save that for another time! In the meantime, feel free to comment any questions you have regarding my birth story + the days after birth and I shall endeavor to answer them!

Commonly asked questions:

What did your* contractions feel like? Were they painful?

(*Note: I put “your contractions” in there intentionally, as they can feel different for everyone!)

In short, yes! They started off like mild to moderate period cramps (which were manageable), but gradually evolved into an intense pressure in my lower back – If I could compare it to anything I would compare it to the pressure/cramps that you feel when you have intense indigestion or diarrhoea (the kind that has you sweating, stripping off and crying in the loo! 😂) – but even then, I can’t say that that was the exact pain, It’s just the closest comparison that I can think of.

Please don’t let the fact that they can be painful discourage you! It is different for everyone, and you will be surprised when you see what you are actually capable of!

How did you cope with your contractions?

To manage my contractions at home I tried to focus on my breathing and I (later) used the shower, as these are just what came naturally to me – other than that, I had no solid plan as to how I would manage them 🤷🏾‍♀️ I kinda just went with the flow.

To manage my contractions in the hospital I used the oh so wonderful epiduralllllll! And I would do it again, friend! I. Would. Do. It. Again!! 👏🏾🤣

Did you have a birth plan?

I had initially written up a birth plan when i was like 6 months pregnant, but I felt the Holy Spirit lead me to take the pressure off of myself, and to trust in him. So I got rid of my formal birth plan and my new birth plan became “whatever keeps baby and mum safe is the way to go”.

It felt so liberating to take the pressure off myself and know that my options were open. If I needed something, I knew it was available to me – guilt free!

Would you do it again (Have more kids)?

Absolutely! Already signed up for baby number 2 who is due very soon 😜

How was your first poop post birth?

Can you believe that I can’t remember it!? It mustn’t have been that bad if I don’t remember it, right? But I do remember being nervous and having to have a pep talk with my husband beforehand 😂

Any birth/postbirth hacks?

1. Sleep during labor! Learn from me please 😂 I was a total zombie woman after birth because I had hardly slept.

2. Ask your nurse for “Ural” sachets before you’re discharged! It makes your pee more alkaline so it doesn’t sting so much when you use the loo 😉

Any advice for nervous Mama to be’s?

Take the pressure off and go with the flow! (And all of my planners just said “What!?!”)

Know your options, but be willing to be flexible.

Do what is best for you and baby.

God’s got you. Many have done it before you and many shall do it after you! This only proves that it can be done!

You’ve got this, Superstar! Better yet, God’s got this!

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” ~ Joshua 1:9 (NIV)

Thanks for reading!

Peace 🌻