Peace In The Promise

After enduring the tail end of a painful trial last year, I asked my spiritual mum the following question:

Why is it that fighting in the spirit, resisting the urge to react in the flesh, exercising the fruits of the Holy Spirit, and encouraging myself in the Lord all felt relatively easy before? And why do I feel like it’s harder to do all of that now?

She then shared some wisdom with me that helped it all make sense. She said, among other things, the following:

Because you’re not a baby anymore. When you were a new Christian, (it was as if) God was breastfeeding you, constantly filling you up (with little effort from you) because you were vulnerable – as you were so fresh and new to the Christian life (like a newborn baby).

I believe that this is one of the reasons why, when you are freshly saved, you feel like you could lift a building (at least in my experience) – and pretty much do anything with your newfound faith – for God is filling you, sustaining you on demand, much like a mother is continuously topping up her newborn on demand, and, in many cases, carries them around for most of the day. A baby (should) trust in their carer to supply their needs, and should trust that their needs will be taken care of. They blindly trust that when they have a need, they can sound an alarm and their carer will be there.

Like a newborn baby, new life in the spirit is just that, new. We are so fresh, and we barely know what we need to survive – so God, like the good and nurturing father that he is, babies us, spoon feeds us, and shows us the way (often obviously and clearly) through his word, answered prayers, through trusted people and more.

As you mature, and after he has instilled the basics in you, things begin to change and evolve.

I wanted to write up a few things that may serve as an encouragement to the one going through a transitional time in their faith. Perhaps you are moving from toddlerhood to childhood, from childhood to adolescence, or even from adolescence to adulthood in the faith, and there is a newness, an uncertainty, and a pondering within you. You may feel awkward, you may be wondering if you’re “doing this right”, or if you’re the only one feeling the way that you do. You may feel like part of you knows the way, but without the constant, tangible presence of your guide, you feel uncertain and hesitant in your decisions.

Whoever you are, no matter where you may be in your transition, this is for you. May it serve as a guide of sorts, to let you know what transitions and growth in faith may look like. This is by no means an exhaustive list, and you may not even experience all of the following (as I always say, every experience is unique!), but it is my prayer that something in this list touches and encourages you where you are to know that you are not alone.

Here it goes…

Spiritual growth may look like (but is not limited to):

1. Losing the taste for “milk” (ie. Losing interest in what used to feed you, even spiritually)

Often times a sign of an impending transition is the fact that you are no longer satisfied with the food you’re receiving. It may be keeping you going, but deep down you find yourself hungering for ‘more’. Something more challenging. Something that will stretch you further. You may feel as though what once fed you is no longer taking you forward, and, though it may have brought you a portion of the way, it has taken you as far as it can take you on its own (much like milk. Milk is vital in the foundational years of life, and it still has its place as you grow, but it eventually becomes only a portion of ones diet, not the entire diet)

NOTE: We must be cautious in discerning the difference between this and pride. Pride often implies that we believe that we know more than, and are therefore superior to, those around us. Whereas a spiritual leap often stems from a place of God taking us to the next level in our walk with him (almost like moving from the teachings of a year 1 classroom to the teachings of a year 2 classroom, and so on). One exalts us, and the other humbly recognises our need to be trained further at another level. The more you learn, the more you realise there is to discover.

Practically, this may look like a freshly saved (newborn) individual relying on someone else’s teaching to fill them up, guide them, and set them up with the basics (the milk) of the faith. The transition may look like (but is not limited to) the individual beginning to hunger for more than what they are currently receiving (much like when a baby begins developing an interest for solid foods), and it can often be a call for them to dig deeper and pursue a relationship with Christ for themselves, implementing the wisdom and teachings learnt from their mentor/s (whilst also receiving continued teaching, wisdom, accountability and support from their mentor/s* also). Their once all milk diet is now transitioning to something a little more complex through the addition of some solid food.

This transition should not lead us to discredit, put down, or slander those that we have learnt from simply because we feel that we have “outgrown” their teaching/s** (nor does this mean that we should flee from our current position if God hasn’t told us to) as their wisdom has served (and is often still serving) its purpose in our lives, and you never know when you may need to receive some nourishment or a refreshment from them again.

*Some teachers/mentors/encouragers are lifelong, some are seasonal. All are important and serve a purpose in our Christian walk, as they cater to our ever-evolving spiritual developmental needs.

**This would be like discrediting your year 1 teacher because you have now made it to year 5. Never forget that, without the foundations learnt in year 1, you would not have made it to year 5. Ya dig?

Okay, cool.

2. Feeling like you are back at square one

That’s right, sometimes a sign of spiritual growth can include feeling like you are going back to year one. This could look like being re-presented with particular tests that may reveal areas of weakness that you thought you had overcome, grown out of, or “gotten over”.

Sometimes, in order for growth to take place, you need to go right back to the basics. Perhaps to unlearn bad habits, heal unaddressed wounds, and/or to consolidate principles that you may have already been taught.

3. A wilderness (a period of “silence” and/or “wandering”)

When the teacher that has been holding your hand and spoon feeding you throughout the journey appears* to step away, it’s a great way to test and see if you will put their teachings into practice.

This season can often feel confusing, lonely, blind, unsure, like you’re guessing, or like you’re hungering for some sort of sign that you’re going in the right direction.

We can relate this to the weaning process of many breastfeeding kids (hey, I’m a mama. 90% of my examples will involve babies haha). This process can be confusing, strange, and even upsetting for many kids, as their norm is being disrupted and changed. It’s up to the mother (or caregiver) to assure the child that just because things are changing, it does not stop their love for them, nor does it change the fact that they are there for them. Change does not always equal abandonment.

Wilderness seasons are opportunities to put your faith in God into practice.

If we constantly had the whole picture, when would we be given an opportunity to grow in our faith or depend on anyone other than ourselves?

*DISCLAIMER: know that no matter how it may feel, God is omnipresent – that’s his nature. Though it may feel like he isn’t there, it by no means confirms that God has left the building, doesn’t see you, or isn’t aware of your situation. I documented in one of my blogposts that when I was pregnant with my son I grieved a particular situation, and, though I KNEW God was there, it felt like he wasn’t, or at the very most it felt like he was there, but silent. I often describe the feeling as being like sitting in a room with my grandfather seated on his rocking chair whilst I asked him questions and cried out to him, and all the while He sat with a warm, gentle, all knowing, compassionate silence that embraced and comforted me, even amidst the frustration.

4. Wrestling with Godly concepts that once seemed instinctual, natural, or easy to receive and apply (eg. Taking a leap of faith, truly loving thy neighbor, choosing to overlook a wrong etc.)

My toddler is a cautious adventurer, and he has had his fair share of miscalculated leaps or decisions that have resulted in a fall or a bump or a knock of sorts. The other day I saw him playing under the kitchen bench, and as I looked away I heard a cringeworthy thud. I immediately knew that he had stood up with all his might (and with little regard for the overhead obstacle), and consequentially bumped his head hard on the counter top. I winced and held my breath as I prepared for the howling, but he just scrunched up his nose in that oh so familiar jeez Louise that hurts kind of way, and proceeded to walk it off.

Nowadays, he is much more cautious when stepping or playing under something. He will (usually) close his eyes and make an obvious effort to duck under the overhead obstacle as he stands up so that he may avoid that painful clunk he experienced the first time around.

Experience has made him cautious, weary, and aware of the potential negative outcomes that can accompany being free spirited and without care.

There is a parable Jesus told describing a farmer who scattered his seed, and it landed on 4 different surfaces (Matthew 13). Among the 4 surfaces, some seed falls on shallow soil, and some seed falls among thorns. Both sprout, however, the former does not last long as it is not deeply rooted, and the latter gets choked up with the thorns (worries and desires) of this earthly life.

As we mature as Christians, we can go through some things. These things can sometimes be ugly, hard and painful. These things (when left unaddressed) also have the potential to harden our hearts and/or plant fear within us concerning the issues of life – so much so that we can become increasingly hesitant to step out on faith, and even grow cold to the instructions and commands of Christ.

Once upon a time, my son bounced up from underneath tables, full of glee and without fear or concern, that is until he experienced the sharp pain of whacking his head upside the kitchen bench, which has now instilled (a rather healthy amount of) caution within him, and now he thinks twice before fearlessly springing up from underneath low surfaces.

That’s my son’s story (well, part of it), but what is yours? What real and raw experiences have left hardening scar tissue on your heart?

Whatever your story may be, the things we go through in life – even as believers – can sometimes leave scars on our hearts, scars that often encourage us to be fearful, hardened, angry, doubtful and more (often as a protective mechanism to keep us from getting hurt again) particularly if they are left unaddressed.

To the scarred individual (emotional, mental, physical, spiritual etc.): I am sorry for your experience, whatever it is, or may have been. I cannot pretend to understand it, or relate to it, or even promise you that these words will fix it, but, if you would allow me, I would like to (attempt to) encourage you with the following simplified comparison…

When a teen experiences the pangs of heartbreak, one of the few encouragements we may give them would be to not allow one (or several) poor experiences with select individuals cause them to give up on love itself.

In a similar sense, I encourage believers to not allow the challenging experiences of life to cast a shadow on God.

Sin has, and always will be, the problem – not God. This is why God hates it – and why we ought to hate it too.

Having a right view of sin and its impact on the world, whilst also addressing our pain & trauma appropriately (through relationship with Christ, trusted and prayerful counsel, studying the word, healthy Holy Spirit led community, and more) can help us to take on the journey of healing, and help us to ultimately have a right view of God.

5. You may feel your relationship with God “change” (ie. You may not hear him as you used to)

Perhaps God has always spoken to you in dreams, but these days he is speaking in other ways, or perhaps ‘not as frequently’. Perhaps you also feel distanced from God, despite the fact that you are actively seeking him.

As a baby or infant, you are solely dependant on your carer to supply your needs. They provide your entertainment, your food, your safety and more.

As you grow through toddlerhood, childhood, adolescence and into adulthood, your relationship with your parents/carer evolves. One minute they are bouncing you on their knee, blowing raspberries in your face and running to prepare a bottle for you at your first cue of hunger, the next you are receiving a stern rebuke as you wrestle with the management of emotional and hormonal changes that present themselves in toddlerhood and adolescence, and in the next moment, you are sitting down and having mature conversation as adults – like old friends.

This can be used figuratively to reflect our personal changes as we grow in our relationship with Christ. The more we mature, the more we can be stretched and challenged to promote further growth. Our endurance builds (but oftentimes so can our fears due to an increased knowledge of what “can go wrong” due to life experiences and more).

Your current developmental stage may result in you feeling like God is being quiet or “not helping” you. You may feel abandoned, or like God’s not speaking to you in the way that he always has. You may long to receive those clear and frequent dreams that he gave you in the earlier days, or to receive that tingle of assurance to know that his presence is indeed with you…instead, you wrestle with the many distractions that often come with growing up, and long for the sweet innocence of childhood.

When you feel like God is giving you the ‘silent treatment’ remember this: Even if it doesn’t feel like God is near or speaking, His Word is still very much alive and close. Often, these silent seasons of crying out to God are opportunities for us to truly learn to trust in his written & living word! It’s an opportunity to believe in his word by faith, not by feeling! Also, God is sinless. He is not the people that hurt you. He hasn’t got time to be playing ‘Petty Betty’. If he is allowing something to shift, trust that there is a fruitful reason behind it.

Choosing to believe the Word by faith over feelings looks like believing that God is with you even when it feels like he isn’t. It means knowing in faith that God hears your cries even if it feels like he’s silent, it means believing that God has the full picture in mind even if it feels like he’s neglecting your present…

This may take writing a scriptural truth out and declaring it over yourself each morning or each time a negative thought comes your way, and choosing to believe it by faith.

Amidst my bout with PPD after having my first born, I remember deciding to make this daily declaration: “It’s a great day to be alive”. I would force myself to say this even as that heavy and ugly cloud of darkness and despair sought to intimidate me overhead. I held onto that truth, and I walked in it, even when it didn’t feel like life was all that great. In that season I learnt to be grateful for what I had, and was taught to shift my focus from all that I was suffering to all that I had gained, and all the “little things” I had to celebrate in this season.

THIS is where much of the true growth happens. When you are tested, and forced to put what you have learnt in the former phase into practice in the current phase. You are now shifting from the place of cramming notes and absorbing the lecturer’s words into the location of the practical exam, where you must put all that you have learned into practice.

Much like developmental leaps in our fleshly form, spiritual leaps can be confusing, exhausting, and a time in which many simply want to give up. But I encourage you friend, to let perseverance finish it’s work, that you may be mature and complete, lacking nothing (James 1:2-4)!

Our physical, developmental, and spiritual leaps, if endured, all enable us to access something that we could not access before. We tap into a sweeter way of experiencing life, and are capable of doing even more than we were formally capable of.

Friend, know that your decision to endure is not in vain.

Love and light to you…

Peace!

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2‭-‬4 NIV