I was was walking through the hallway of my then workplace towards the Nurse Station, after a quick bathroom break, when he spoke. You won’t be doing this for very long. Is all he said. Doing what? I asked. This job? Working at this location? Nursing in general? But he said nothing more.
I was just 20, a recent university graduate (Any Curtin University of Technology graduates here? Hola!), and this was my first full time position as a Registered Nurse. I was on a fixed term contract, and was completing my graduate program (a year in which you are supported in your transition into the Nursing field!). I had been saved for about 2-3 years at this point, and God had been stirring up a passion for youth ministry in my heart. I was the youth leader of my church, sang in the choir, and was about to commence a Graduate Diploma in Theology, so when God told me that I would not be doing “this” for very long, a large part of me thought that he was going to put me in “full time” ministry there and then…but how many of us know that often times, God will speak to you concerning your future in order to give you a promise to hold onto, and to have an assurance to look back on during the testing times? He speaks a promise to us, but there is often a journey involved in getting to that promise, a journey that develops, prunes and matures us (look at the Israelites after their exodus from Egypt, it was a 40 year process to get to the promised land; Joseph had dreams of ruling over his brothers and family, but this did not come to pass until over a decade later; David was anointed as King as a boy, but was on the run for several years of his life before he ever sat on the throne! The list goes on)…but I’m getting ahead of myself.
I went about my business whilst I continued to wonder what God meant by “this”. I was given an opportunity to work in a community setting as supernumerary (meaning I got paid to work somewhere else temporarily) and I am so glad that I took the opportunity! It was my first experience truly staying on my own, and I was over 2 hours away from family and friends for about 2 weeks. I worked Monday to Friday for the 2 weeks and was exposed to a different side of the field that I was working in.
As I mentioned, I had a burning passion for youth work, and I always told myself that I eventually wanted to branch into Community Mental Health, and this particular opportunity was just that. I was even able to work with a team that specialised in youth work! It didn’t take long for the team to take a liking to me, and, very soon, they were offering me a position. It was insane, they were literally putting everything else on hold and throwing the role at me. So it seemed only natural to assume that this was meant to be. At the time, I was overwhelmed and excited, as 1) it was in the exact field that I had said I wanted to work in, and 2) I was in the middle of planning my wedding, and the contract for my current role was due to expire in the middle of the year, so even if the Holy Spirit was whispering to me that this was not the position that he had for me, I couldn’t quite hear him over my practical mind. This is good. I assured myself. You will have a guaranteed position after your fixed term contract ends! This is the role that you wanted…right? God did say that you wouldn’t be doing “this” for long, maybe he meant you won’t be working at your current workplace for long! But even though my practical mind was loud and clear, I couldn’t shake this feeling that something wasn’t quite right (thanks Holy Spirit!). It was supposedly “everything I had wanted”, so why did this not feel right?
I returned from my supernumerary and my fiance and I were in the process of seeing how we could make this work. Either I would have to work down south during the week and return to our home on the weekends (as my workplace would be over 3 hours away from his current workplace!), or he would have to find a position with his then workplace down south. There weren’t any positions available in the south for him, so we were contemplating just having me commute on the weekends. During these discussions, I couldn’t shake this feeling that something still wasn’t quite right. I hadn’t made the time to truly sit and be still before Jesus and ask him what he wanted me to do, as I was caught up with wedding planning, job planning, work, ministry and more. So my prayers were more “On the go” kind of prayers, if you know what I mean. I don’t exactly remember when it happened (or even how) but there was a point where I just had a knowing from God that this job was not his plan for me. I think I laughed and shook my head as I said it aloud, but that feeling of ‘something not being right’ immediately left, and God’s peace came upon me as soon as I had that realisation.
You know what to do.
Ahh but this is so embarrassing and unprofessional, God! They did so much to get me into this position! What will they think when I turn it down without even having started? What if I burn bridges? My practical mind was going crazy, giving God all sorts of reasons as to why I shouldn’t resign from the position, but I couldn’t deny the amazing and supernatural peace I encountered whenever I remembered that this was not the role that God had for me.
I swallowed my pride (barely) and dialed in the number I had grown to know as being my future work number. I was greeted by the familiar voice of the receptionist and I asked to be put through to my would be supervisor. They were excited to hear from me, and this made me dread the process even more, but I knew it had to be done. I kindly explained to my supervisor that unfortunately I would not be taking the position after all, due to personal reasons (I conveniently left out the “because the Holy Spirit told me” part 😂). It was clear that they were disappointed, but they were understanding. We said our goodbyes, and I hung up.
Freedom.
That is what I felt. I felt absolutely free, light, and filled with peace. I thanked God and I called my fiance excitedly jabbering away about how amazing I felt and how amazing God is and how excited I was for what he was going to do in my life. The zeal was real in that moment.
But how many of us know that when you take a step of faith in obedience to God that there is often an amazing ‘high’, soon followed by a “what the heck was I thinking!?!” when reality sets in (I imagine that the Israelites felt a bit like this when they were excitedly leaving Egypt with all their plunder, only to find themselves stalled by a great body of water, then turning around to find a mob of angry Egyptian warriors charging after them…”What were we thinking!? Who’s idea was it to listen to Moses!?!” 😅).
This reality set in when my fixed term contract at my workplace was drawing to a close, and there was no sign of me being put on a permanent contract. I had so much support from my colleagues, and they were advising me of what to do and putting in good words for me. Despite all of the support, despite me speaking with those in leadership, and despite having sent the necessary emails and documents, I got nothing back. At some point, I became at peace with the situation. I figured that, if God (who I hadn’t heard a direct instruction from since I quit that position by the way 😅😂) wanted me to be here, he would make a way. But if I had done all that I could, and I still did not get kept on staff, perhaps it was protection from God.
My contract ended and I managed to get a casual agency position with another company (this enabled me to work in all sorts of places…I usually got called at 6.20am to start a shift somewhere random by 7am 😵). It was not ideal for me, but it was definitely a pruning experience, as it taught me to be flexible (which does not come naturally to me. I like…no, I love, order and organisation! I like knowing where I am going to be and what I’m doing 2 weeks in advance – if not more 😂), it constantly exposed me to new work environments and new people (an introverts nightmare 😫), it taught me that not everyone will like you, will want to help you or will appreciate your help (some people really hate on agency, y’all! Like, I’m here to help you! Can’t we all just be friends? 😂) even if you are sweeter than a sweet potato! It was a real wilderness season for me, as I was continuously stepping into the unknown, and I didn’t know what I would face the next day, let alone the following week.
Any who, I was assigned to work several shifts at a particular hospital that was a bit closer to where my then fiance (now husband) and I were looking to live after we got married. The staff got to know me and informed me of a job opportunity, encouraging me to apply. Thank God. I thought. I so missed having set shifts that I could plan my life around and having a consistent work environment, so I jumped at the opportunity.
I applied and got through to the interview process, and was the first to be interviewed (I literally went to my job interview the week of my wedding, I had my hair laid and errrthang 😂). I felt good throughout the interview, and left at ease, I didn’t dwell on it, as I was getting married that weekend (click here to see “Our Wedding” blog)!!
I didn’t hear from them for some time until I eventually went back to work an agency shift and someone told me that I was a staff member there. I said “…Yes…with agency” and they said “no, you work here!” And that, my friends, is how I found out that I had received the job! Apparently someone had forgotten to contact a sister to let her know (was that your doing, Lord? 😂).
As I came home, God was stirring my heart, and that familiar feeling that I recognized as God telling me that this was not his will for me was returning. I ignored it so hard! I was like no, no way! Not again. I need a permanent job, God! So I went on ignoring God’s prompting. You see, before our wedding, I was once again talking to God “on the go” as there was so much going on. So again, I didn’t prioritize time to sit still before him and see if I should really apply for this position at all. Some may say “but that’s so mean, why would he let you apply for it in the first place?” And I hear you, but I have learnt that God gives us free will, and we can use that free will to either choose him and his best for us or to deny him and his best for us. When we sit before him and remain in his word, it is easier to hear and recognize his instruction when he speaks, than when we only speak to him in passing and don’t give him an opportunity to speak back. I believe he allowed it as he was going to use it as an opportunity to test (and ultimately strengthen) my faith in him. It also showed me that even though I missed God (I.e. thinking that I was making a decision in alignment with him, but was actually not), he surely found me, and let me know before it was too late!
I pushed it all the way to orientation. I remember parking in the parking lot and walking towards the hospital building. In that moment, I felt the grace of God depart from me. It was as if the sheet that was once shielding, covering and protecting me, was suddenly pulled off and left behind me.
I knew in that moment, without a single doubt, that I had to resign.
I stayed throughout the first day of orientation. Everything sounded so wonderful and the people were great, but I knew in my spirit that I could not stay here. Why? Because I knew that if I continued, I would no longer be operating within the will of God. I also knew that if God’s grace was not with me, I would be welcoming unnecessary and avoidable trials if I proceeded. He had warned me of this through the pressing on my heart that I experienced before orientation (that I had been ignoring), and when his grace left me upon entry to the hospital.
That same day, I went out with a friend who had also applied and received the position and we chatted, all the while I was meditating upon how and when I should resign. I came home, sat on our bedroom floor, and made the call. I was advised to send an email to HR, to which I did. And that was that. Another job that I had not yet officially started that I had resigned from under God’s instruction.
I received cautions from others about how this would impact my future and how it may negatively affect my likelihood of getting work, and though I understood where they were coming from (as I had thought this way myself once upon a time), I knew that I did what had to be done. I knew that I would rather be obedient now, than face the greater consequences of disobedience later. I knew that, though in the eyes of man, it did not make sense or look good, that God would take care of me and honor my obedience to him (and he truly has!).
I resigned when I was about 8 weeks pregnant with our son, and went on a journey of rediscovering my identity, antenatal depression and more (I talk more about this in my blog post “I’m pregnant…again!“). I felt like the last instruction I had received from God was to resign from my job, after which I felt quite abandoned by him. Why would you tell me to resign, only to leave me, Lord? I would ask. And if I’m quite honest, in that season, there were times where I felt quite resentful towards God himself! I recently shared, though, in a post on my Instagram page that, though I did not quite understand what God was doing whilst I was in that season, when I look around me now, I see the fruits of the prayers, tears and sacrifices that I had made whilst I was in the wilderness. This tells me that it was not in vain. God was there, and listening to me the whole time.
I could share with you all that God has done in my life since that time, but that’s a story for another time. For now, I desire for you to be encouraged, and to know this truth:
No step done in obedience is ever a mistake, nor is it ever done in vain!
If God is asking you to take a step of faith, take it. Future you will thank you for it. And if you have taken that faith step and don’t seem to be hearing back from God, don’t fret. I have been there. This is an opportunity for you to seek him more than before, and for your faith and trust in him to grow. Press in, continue to seek him and know that even if the conversation seems one sided, he is listening. Continue to pray, serve, and remain connected to those that can encourage you and point you to Christ. In due time, you will see and reap the harvest of your labor!
Resist the temptation to run back to Egypt. God has not forgotten about you! He has not forsaken you. He loves you, and he is working on something behind the scenes. We just need to be patient enough to wait for those seeds to sprout!
As Pharaoh approached, the people of Israel looked up and panicked when they saw the Egyptians overtaking them. They cried out to the Lord, and they said to Moses, “Why did you bring us out here to die in the wilderness? Weren’t there enough graves for us in Egypt? What have you done to us? Why did you make us leave Egypt? Didn’t we tell you this would happen while we were still in Egypt? We said, ‘Leave us alone! Let us be slaves to the Egyptians. It’s better to be a slave in Egypt than a corpse in the wilderness!’” But Moses told the people, “Don’t be afraid. Just stand still and watch the Lord rescue you today. The Egyptians you see today will never be seen again. The Lord himself will fight for you. Just stay calm.”
Exodus 14:10-14
Love and blessings to you all,
Peace!
Xo
Peace In The Promise 